So, I read the Kevin Hart autobiography, “I Can’t Make This Up,” and I want to share….
When Kevin Hart decided to quit his full-time job to pursue a life in comedy, something profoundly interesting happened, and I believe it’s something that you, me, and most people who are looking to pursue a dream can relate to….
Here’s what Kevin wrote:
Less than two months before, these same people had been encouraging me to try comedy because I was so funny. Today, they were telling me to stop doing it. They believed in me then; now, suddenly, they didn’t believe in me?
I couldn’t understand it at the time, but later I thought about it. The problem is, many people want you to do things, up to the point where they lose control of you. As long as they’re still your boss or mentor or partner or good friend, it’s fine. But if it starts pulling you away from them or making you more successful than them or keeping you too busy to see them as much, then your dream can become their threat.
Now, I personally think that most people do this UNCONSCIOUSLY and not in a vengeful way. Maybe this is the side of me with the sparkly glasses that wants to see the best part of people, and maybe not, either way, I do believe that it’s mostly unconscious. YET, I do think people get fearful or worried when you pursue something that may directly affect their life too.
These thoughts and fears come forward when they envision that their relationship with you may change or look differently. Then they react.
I remember when I announced to my hubby that I wanted to change some of the way that we were eating. Making small subtle changes that we can incorporate into our lives.
Then he said something interesting……“I don’t want to eat all vegan Je. I enjoy the meat and I like flavors.’ I remember thinking, ‘interesting, I never planned on cooking plain tofu or anything’ (LOL, please laugh with me!
And honestly, he had a good reason to state this. He really enjoys his food, and he wouldn’t want to sacrifice that. The comment wasn’t meant to stop my goals of pursuing healthier eating. It was about change and how the change would affect him. This is important to understand, to give a deeper compassionate look at people who don’t support you or that may challenge you.
When you want to pursue something new, a new job, possibly a business from home, a dream, whatever that may be, self-doubt is pretty much unavoidable. It’s part of how God created us to be discerning and make good choices. And this is also why you reach out to the people who love you most, which are usually your friends, your family, your neighbors, and your mentors for advice.
But this advice many times can affect you in a negative way. As some people will support you, and some won’t care. Some people will doubt you, and some will tell you not to do it.
And that’s a problem.
You may have 7 people who tell you to go for it. But you’re stuck in your own fear because you are focusing on the ONE person who said you shouldn’t do it.
So, what can you do? Kevin said it clearly…
“Don’t invite them into the conversation when deciding to chase a dream. You already know what you want to dedicate yourself to, so you don’t need to ask for their approval. There’s no need to seek external approval when you already have internal approval.”
And I believe that he is right. If you know you should be doing something, do it. If it’s really meaningful the people who love you most will understand and also support you. And if they don’t, it’s ok. Go do it anyway.
And if your wife or husband is concerned, it’s ok, they may be. Your life change is their life change too. Just don’t take it as doubt, instead recognize the place that the concern is coming from and keep the lines of communication open so that it helps them to see that your win is also their win too! This can shift the whole perspective.
Have you ever dealt with doubters? What did you experience and how did it affect you? How did you handle it? I would love to hear your comments below!