2 and 1/2 hours of sleep?
You would think that I would be exhausted….
Yet, God is doing something big in my life that I can’t explain. The best word I can use to describe this profound awakening is “Re-New”.
Recently I had someone on Instagram reach out and send me a personal message. (Of course they have a private account see I can’t really so who this person is) I won’t go into the details about it, because it’s just THAT, personal. Apparently my posts and my faith that I portray and the way that I choose to speak MY life and MY own walk with God bothers this person. The comment went ‘It drives me crazy seeing you play this “holy roller” and “God is great”…..
Let me first back up to say that in my adult life I wouldn’t exactly say I was a Christian, although I absolutely love Jesus and fully am a believer, yet I never felt like I “fit in” to the ‘Christian mold’. And in my adult life I wouldn’t say I was “new age”, even though I have done 4 years of metaphysical studies and my degree shows it, and many people ‘think’ that is who I am (even family members making comments), but I don’t fit into that mold either. I wouldn’t consider myself a Buddhist, even though I love to meditate and LOVE hot yoga….
Do you see where I am going with this?
I guess I am living out my book I released a few months ago in a bigger way. I am still learning. Every. Single. Day.
What I DO know is that I am a seeker. A seeker for my own truth and my own relationship with God. I know that the PROFOUND things that have happened in my life have all come from me walking with the Lord. It has never once looked like anyone else’s, but is it supposed to?
I also know that being vulnerable and sharing my life and my heart with the Spiritual Warfare we have going on in our world, that I will be judged. Sometimes judged and ridiculed, but then I think of how Jesus may have felt. I am so small and my struggles are small, and I can’t imagine what He must have gone through. And on the flip-side of this, I have actually been judged more from Christians and people who claim they are “religious”. I won’t go into all that now, but who knows, maybe this is a channel that God has opened within me to begin to start speaking about this.
Can you relate to any of this?
One thing that I know for sure is that God is working on me everyday whether I want it or not. I feel He has always been there working on me, with me. And, owning my own crap, I will say that in the past my ego got in the way of me really listening to what God was trying to show/teach me. If it was uncomfortable or painful to hear the truth (specifically when I would read the bible) I would skip over things. I like to call it ‘chicken-picking’ the word. If it didn’t feel good, I would want to skip over it. I am not proud to admit that but I think for me, it was a way of my own unconscious keeping me from really wanting to share the word of God the way He is showing me. And wouldn’t you know it? Some of my biggest fears already have manifested. Having someone challenge me in my own live event in front of others, people making rude comments on my post (thank you Facebook for the ‘block from page’ button!), and even the private messages that are aimed to tear me down. But guess what……?
“I still rise”
The beautiful words shared by the beloved Maya Angelou.
I have always been afraid to speak about all of this because I felt unworthy in the sense of not knowing the bible as good as I felt I should. Especially my background with studying different religions, belief systems and even new thought. Today as it sits, I can see this path was very purposeful for how God has guided me. My un-comfort in writing this blog is showing me that I am right on target. eeeeeekkkkkk…. The vulnerability can sure feel uncomfortable, wouldn’t you agree?
I didn’t even realize until a few minutes ago that I was going to write this blog!!!! I am actually grateful for this person who was quite mean, BECAUSE it is opening me up even more to GOD. I coached myself through this one as though I was coaching one of my clients and I said quietly to myself, “Je, you know the wonderful thing about social media? You have a choice on focusing on the ONE PERSON’S opinion, OR you can focus on what you do everyday that makes you smile. Are you doing it to please others or are you doing it to please God and to make you happy”? I guess you know what my answer is, as I blocked this person and chose to send love and a small prayer.
Does this mean that I am a ‘good person’ for doing that? Hmmm I don’t think so, I call it growth. I am the first to say my life has been FAR from perfect, and many moments in my life I don’t feel worthy of Gods love. But Jesus today is transforming me and I never saw that coming! It has been a chain of events that has led me here today. And I listened to what He whispered to my soul, and that was pick to up a bible. And THIS TIME when I read it, to REALLY hear HIM, without anyone else’s perception on what it means. Let Him speak to me.
If you are still reading, I also believe God brought you here.
If I were to guess, God has been reaching out to you too. You may feel lost and confused with so many mixed messages, manipulation, and hate going on in our world today. Yea, me too. I also DID NOT plan what I am about to share until about 1 minute ago (literally) when God put it on my heart…. IF you are reading this and you would like to join me in studying the bible, COME WITH ME. Let’s meet. I have NO CLUE AT ALL how this will look, and even as I type this, I am really out of my comfort zone. But I trust. I have faith that I am exactly where I need to be. And disclaimer, I am going into this as a STUDENT not a TEACHER, but would love to have others that are seeking to join me also.
If you would like to join me, please email me at firstname.lastname@example.org and share with me your story and why you want to join. When I figure out the details, I will come back here and edit this post. Who knows? It may just be me, alone, and that is ok too. I trust that your soul was fed by something in this blog post for you to still be here with me. I want to leave you today with this….. That you are so loved, don’t give up, and know that you are not alone.
This is my journey, and I don’t care what people think…. that feels really good to say publicly. God is unfolding truth to me these days and I am like a child that is waiting for Christmas……. stay tuned….