I live in what is called ‘West Baton Rouge’, which is not exactly in Baton Rouge, but on the outskirts. Some would define this as ‘country’ because we are not in the city (thank you for that! LOL) You have to go over the Mississippi River in order to get to the west side. The bridge can be CRAZY at times, it definitely wasn’t built for the volume of people that live here, that is for sure! Well along the west side is around 4 towns (there are more, but I am sharing the ones that are the closest to the bridge) There is Port Allen that is right off of the bridge you take a right, if you take a left it leads you to Brusly, then Addis, and then finally Plaquemine. Going from Port Allen to a town called Brusly is literally like 2 miles away, and in that you have to go under the ramp where the bridge goes to go to Baton Rouge, then it takes you up on a ramp that is called the ‘intra coastal’. For the short of it, there is literally NO OTHER WAY to go across but here. You bring in traffic from all angles so it is an important travel area.
As I sit here this morning in prayer I said to God, why is it my last session? It finally was beginning to feel comfortable! And then I remembered even the words that came out of my own very mouth on this last episode of Soulfood Sundays with John Garay where I said “God doesn’t want us comfortable, because when we are comfortable we aren’t growing”. I immediately knew that was my answer.
A few weeks ago the Lord put on my heart to once again make room in my schedule and ‘clear my plate’. I’m not exactly sure the whole reason, but this time around, I fully trust. It’s interesting that the last recorded Soufood Sundays was about Faith because I am right in the mix of my own faith in the process (God, you are so good!). I wish I could say “oh, it was in the masterplan to end with the session being on faith” because doesn’t it fit so well together? LOL, but the truth is, it just ‘happened’, and that is what is so awesome.
What is your definition of ‘fearing God’? I have found that people have so many different views. Last night in SOULFOOD SUNDAYS, I took a leap into a touchy and uncomfortable topic to discuss. I shared how I felt hurt by ‘religious people’ and the church when it came to how they presented God. As this thought that one must FEAR GOD and be almost paralyzed with fear.
Have you experienced this? Have you been taught to fear God and that you are a sinner and presented in such a way you feel dirty? Well you might want to listen to last nights message HERE so you can hear what I shared about my experience as well.
There is a saying, ‘a deer in headlights’, and I’m sure you have heard it but in case you haven’t it’s when a deer sees the lights from a car it can leave them frozen because they maybe feel caught off guard. They feel stuck and don’t know if they should go forward or go backward, or even it’s put them in a state of shock.
Sometimes our life challenges can bring on a similar message of fear….
Maybe you are thinking about making a bold change and move out of the state you live in, or maybe it’s a new job you are going after. You have this opportunity to make more money but right now you have a job that feels comfortable and stable. You know the job that is being offered will give you a fresh new start and an opportunity to learn something new, but you can’t shake off that fear of making the wrong decision.
This is a loaded question for so many. In tonight’s session I share my perspective on this question. Join Soulfood Sundays to hit the reset button for the week and learn tools to improve and assist in creating healthy relationships in your life. CLICK HERE to listen to the session.
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My Darling Daughter….
Just reading those words made me weep. That deep pain that I had felt just the night before. Tears streaming down my face, as I was remembering the last time I saw her. I was reflecting on the time that she wrote this letter and it was as if God was giving me a moment of time back.
Why was it so hard to read this letter? Because I missed her? Yes, I did and do miss her very much but it wasn’t just that. All of the emotions that felt like they had been locked inside for a long time come flooding out. Feelings of frustration in not understanding her choices in life, feelings of anger for her leaving my sisters and I. I went through feeling guilt within myself for feeling maybe I didn’t do enough? Maybe if I wasn’t frustrated with her, could I have helped her any more? These thoughts that pounded through my mind were now being released through my heart as I was surrendering them all to Jesus.
I woke at 10pm and didn’t know what day it was. Felt like I had been asleep for days. What just happened? Oh, wait! I have my earphones on! OHHHHHH CRAP! The Mary Magdalene Circle!!! Did I fall asleep? I completely fell asleep!
I went to bed and slept harder than I have slept in a very long time.
5:45 my alarm goes off to get my son up and ready for school. This is the start of day two for the fast. I don’t feel hungry yet. I feel ok. I make yogi tea and do a small meditation. I woke my son and got him to off to school and as I began to prepare for a client session and also some deadlines for my upcoming show. I promised myself I wouldn’t take any calls or get distracted because I have lots I need to do before I pick my son up at 2:30!
I began talking to God about the things that happened the night before.
For some reason I was really being flooded with memories this morning. Not the happy, make you feel good memories but the ones that I buried. I buried them because, well, it’s what I do best. See, in the past when I dealt with painful situations, I did one of three things. And since I am sharing my experience with betrayal and deceit, these are the three things that I would do to deal with them:
‘The scars I bare mean the hurt is over and they are the healed wounds that are symbols that God has restored me.’
Today is Wednesday, October 10, 2018, and I wake with a heavy heart.
So I do what I always do. I check in with myself. Is it me? Is it my kiddos? Is it someone I love? Someone I’m close to? I am not getting an answer. Interesting.
So I meditate. I still feel heavy. I clear my energy. I still feel heavy. I pray. God says, I need you to fast. Be intentional He puts on my heart. 3 days, I need you to fast. You have been asking for things and you carry too much.
I felt a knot in my throat. I wrote in my journal. I put things in my ‘God box’ that I felt this heaviness could be. I wrote my intentions for my #intentionalfast and shared on Instagram and Facebook inviting others to join me. Something tells me that this is going to be different than it ever has.
Not all storms are here to disrupt your life, some come to clear your path.
Sometimes hitting that reset button is more than you anticipated. Start over from scratch. I have to share something painful YET as I say it I have this inner whisper knowing that it’s exactly as it’s supposed to be. I woke one morning a year ago with this HUGE inspiration to begin writing another book. I remember it was so strong that the words were flowing faster than I could type… wow, I literally had a book that was getting ready to be released and I remember thinking ‘another book already’? If you would have told me years ago that I would be an author and be writing not just A BOOK, but books, I would have laughed and called you crazy. You see, I have never really liked writing. I remember whenever I had to write a book report in school I really struggled. I never enjoyed it. I enjoyed reading just not articulating what I read.
Ok, let’s get back to my point, haha. SO As I began to write, for three days the words kept coming. With each book I write it keeps getting easier and more fun! Now it’s been a week of on and off writing and I have roughly 50 pages…. Staying up late with little sleep and not feeling tired at all. Wow! This is so awesome I remember thinking. I can see how some authors can write a book a year at this rate! Then…..
THEN EVERYTHING CAME TO A CRASHING HALT.
Really? What just happened? It was all flowing so perfectly divine and intense, and now what? (Birds chirping) Ok God, I will wait to hear you again, and I will wait to hear my own inner self again. Weekly I would open up the pages and just stare at it. Nope, not here yet… isn’t that interesting? Months go by and then in March I had some computer issues, and I needed to clear some stuff off of it. (Lord knows my poor computer gets overworked! LOL) So I spent a day deleting so many old files and documents and photos that I no longer needed. It was a big job but it did the trick! A week later I thought about the book, went to open it up and felt this sickening sinking feeling in my belly. Continue reading “Not all storms are here to disrupt your life”